They're Real

-Notion City March 6th, 1920 Letters to the Editor

I've heard a lot of speculation that these "creatures" that have been cropping up are not real. A lot of people point to the article from your previous issue decrying these as a hoax, mostly for publicity or just laughs. But I'm here to tell you they are real. And frighteningly so.


I thought nothing of it when my daughter mentioned her new imaginary friend, Mr. Brownie. Children can come up with all sorts of exaggerated stories. And from my understanding, he was quite helpful in getting her to do her chores. Her room has never looked cleaner, so if it got the results done how bad could it be?

That all changed yesterday.

I was passing by her room. It was time for her usual afternoon tea party and she was carrying on a pleasant conversation with Mr. Brownie. The door was open just a crack so I decided to get a peak inside. That's when I finally saw what her imaginary friend looked like. He was squat, no taller than my little girl. Maybe three feet tall. Gangly. Thin limbs which were mostly bone and skin. Yet bulbousy in his belly. He wore clothes from a time long ago, maybe a century.

I only looked at him for a second for the fear of a strange creature in my daughter's room took hold of me. And I burst through the door. But when I came in the room he was no longer there. And my daughter has not seen him since.

My mother used to believe in such things, she said they were around all the time she called them brownies. She died well before my daughters birth. And I never told her such stories. I don't know if the creature was the same as the one my mother told me about all those years ago. And I'm sure people will just write me off as another hoax. But I know that in the back of their minds they'll see they're lying to themselves. Because we've all seen them at some point now. Those creatures from our parents' stories.

Yours,
Believing Mother

An Open Suggestion to the Mayor

-Notion City, March 1, 1920 Letters to the Editor

Remove your head from the cavernous hole you've managed to shove it. You're idea to use the previous census for distribution of these food tickets is one of the most idiotic ideas I've heard in my lifetime. My wife and I were just married back in 1910, the last census. You want to take a guess at what has happened since then? Well, we've had two boys. Yes, that's right. Our family of two went to four within ten years. I know, that's amazing given the stretch of time.

Who'd have ever thought that possible? We certainly didn't see it coming! But now here's the real kicker. We've got to figure out how to feed the four of us on tickets allotted for two people. Fortunately, we've determined a fair way of doing this. The boys get breakfast, we get dinner and then we alternate lunches.

Yes, on some days my children eat one meal a day. Now, why am I being so selfish? Shouldn't the boys get the lunch and the parents only have one meal every day?

It's a little difficult having the energy to work a construction site on one meal a day. Especially, when the pressure around your head is causing you to think more of these towering bits of steel is a better use of tax payer money, and a better use of the fertile land. You're absolutely right. We should simply get rid of anything that would conceivably put more food in the hands of your growing populace.

You would not believe how many times I had to edit this letter. Mainly I did it so that I could be sure it would be posted. I'll be glad when this is all over, you'll receive a more personal letter, any remaining tickets we have (unlikely) and swift instruction on how they may be used to fill the hole your head is currently occupying.

Yours angrily,
Irate father of two who voted for you